"Making It Make Sense" (SM) with Dr. Pamela Brewer
Develop A Financially Focused Mental Attitude
by Mark Morrison
It’s an emotional time. Tension runs high. There are hundreds of details to consider and you barely have time to deal with your own sadness, anger, or relief. If children are involved, custody issues must be decided. There’s the division of assets, and deciding who will leave and who will stay. And somehow, amid the emotional upset and the topsy-turvy state of your life, you must develop a financially focused mental attitude. For some, it’s hard to do, but your future, even the quality of life you provide for your children, depends on it. You’ll be losing any credit cards that were opened in both your names, so you should consider applying for new ones in your own name. Be sure you only use your income as the basis for repayment. Even if you’re just separated, you can get in a lot of trouble if you try to use your spouse’s income to get your card. Take a long, hard look at what you’ll be able to afford after the divorce. There’s no point in fighting to keep the house or a car if you can’t afford to pay for them. Be realistic about your situation and remember you can always buy or rent another house, or get a less expensive car. Don’t think it’s cold and unfeeling to be concerned about money and your credit during a divorce. Too many times, feelings of depression, loneliness, even grief, can overshadow the more practical considerations that must be dealt with in order for you to continue living. You have to consider where you’ll live, how you’ll get around, and how you’ll pay for items you need. Other financial items that should be discussed include health insurance (even more important if you have children), life insurance, wills, and retirement accounts. It’s unfortunate, but more times than not, finances are among the biggest issues in divorce settlements. Sometimes it’s because one party uses money as a weapon; to hurt or manipulate the other spouse. And too many times, one or both parties are so emotionally devastated that ‘in the moment’ they think they don’t care about money issues. To further muddy the financial waters is the fact that dividing money and assets is not as simple as splitting them down the middle. How much is a family business worth if the family is dissolving? How much is a professional degree worth when one spouse worked to put the other one through school to get that degree? For all these reasons and many more this article doesn’t go into, the importance of a financially focused mental attitude is of paramount importance. Sadly, too often, the only ones involved in a divorce that are focused on financial matters are the attorneys, and because of that, they usually come out ahead. You may find it helpful to seek the counsel of a divorce ‘mediator’ who can help you determine fair and equitable settlements of the marital assets without taking sides. There’s no way to take the sadness out of divorce, but by staying mentally clear about the money, it doesn’t have to end in financial ruin for either party.