WISDOM FOR WOMEN
By
Pamela Brewer, MSW, Ph.D., LCSW-C
The absence or presence of a mate must not be what you use to determine personal worth.
Your relationship with someone else cannot be the marker by which you measure your own worth. If you do this to yourself, you are destined to feel at the ebbs and flows of the "other" in your life. This is unfair. This is unwise. This is unhealthy.
Define for yourself what you will say no to -for your own self-regard.
Too often women have a very hard time with saying "no". If you do not learn how to say no to others at least some of the time - you are likely to become unable to say yes to yourself, most of the time.
Rely on yourself for your essentials.
It is enormously powerful to know that you can really take care of yourself. It makes gift getting fun, but not essential. In fact, you become the greatest gift you have!
Allow yourself some luxuries.
The occasional small luxury can be your arrival at home - ten minutes earlier than usual; leaving your work in the office; making that phone call today instead of tomorrow.
Treating yourself to dinner. An extra long shower. Dessert before dinner? You decide.
You will be practicing enjoying you!
It is a "survivable moment" to "hurt someone's feelings".
The world does not end if you occasionally hurt someone's feelings. And if you are in a friendship, relationship, job, etc in which you are only acceptable if you always do what someone else wants - consider saying no to the relationship.
Do not do to another what you cannot stomach having done to you.
You want to always be able to look in the mirror and like whom you see. You will not be able to however, if you chronically behave in ways you find objectionable. Be careful not to get caught in behavior or activities that, if you were to be on the outside looking in, you might find objectionable.
Always read the fine print - even in relationships.
Pay attention to the details in a relationship. Do not ignore your own intuition. If there are parts of your relationship do not make sense to you - then they do not make sense. Either get more information or consider whether the relationship can work for you without the information.
Pay attention to your finances.
Open yourself to new learning and new joy EVERY DAY.
Be honest with yourself EVERY DAY.
Listen to YOUR voice EVERY DAY.
Too often, women have the ability to ignore themselves if someone else disagrees with their view. Do not do this to yourself. It is important to be open to the voices of others, but it is critical not to ignore your own.
Go through your calendar - RIGHT NOW and plan your "LUXURIOUS YOU" day.
This is your day, at least one day a month that you will spend just with you, doing for yourself fun and relaxing things. For some people, luxury is sleeping late, for others, getting home before a certain time, for others, lunch with a fiend, or a movie in the middle of the day. It does not matter what you do, as long as it feels luxurious, fabulous, and just for you!
Curiosity is a good thing. Use it often.
Asking questions is a good thing. If you have one, with prudence, ask!
Do not help anyone to hurt you.
You do not have to suffer in silence. If someone says or does something that hurts you, do not be silent. Your silence can give tacit acceptance. You deserve better.
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Copyright by Pamela B. Brewer All Rights Reserved
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