By Pamela Brewer, MSW, PhD, LCSW-C
February is supposed to be the month of love and chocolates and roses, you know…gentle passion. The passion that sweeps you away into the land of milk and honey. The loving moments that often lead to smiles and warm hearts.
And then there is the passion upon which wars are won and enemies defeated. Oh wait a minute…wars…. hmmm. Enemies…. hmmm…
These days, the passion of politics continues to be fairly nasty. This may be February and the month of love – but! No love and chocolates in the world of politics. No smiles and warm hearts. Seems like mostly anger and vengefulness. Why? Why such large emotions?
One thing is true… big emotions and big productions around the expression of emotions typically say more about the producer than the object. It really is often true that those who yell the loudest have the least to say.
Whether love of your partner or partner to be, or devotion to a cause or a politician, when you are clear and secure about your emotions and devotions, you are able to express yourself in ways that are clear … but not loud, not nasty.
When you are secure within yourself – LOUD is simply not necessary or desirable.
When you believe you have to yell…in order to be heard…something is wrong. Is it you? The environment? Do some thoughtful, internal research.
LOUD does not automatically mean RIGHT.
When you are secure within your own beliefs, you can tolerate differences of opinion. You might even be secure enough to be curious about differences of opinion.
Name-calling, demands for unquestioning agreement, threats, scare predictions are indications of many things – but not love, and not security and not reasonable, respectful, reflective mature behavior.
Many adults understand the value of teaching children to be respectful and truthful. Many adults would do well to observe their own teachings.
Fear often motivates hurtful, thoughtless, harmful language and behaviors. Fear is human - mean-spirited reactions are not humane.
There are those who believe that looking for the wrong in people is the best way to go. It is not. Wrong is wrong and there is no need to deny it. But people are rarely resoundingly bad. There is often right as well. Your task is to thoughtfully determine the full truth.
Threats, name-calling, scare tactics are abusive.
Abusive behavior is indicative of low self-esteem and cowardice, not strength and power.
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