She is the person in your life who has soothed you, annoyed you, hugged you, scolded you, held you, shielded you, let you fall, encouraged you to stand, consoled you, angered you, she has been the most ill-informed person you have ever known and the most wise person you will ever meet...
She's your mom.
Perhaps you can't live with her.
But you don't want to live without her.
For those of you are mothers - with the "official" title or not?
Here are some ways to "mother yourself" and reduce your stress:
Stress reduction is often housed as much in the way you think as in the way you act. Here are some ways to think and some things to do - making them a routine part of your life is bound to lower your stress levels.
1.Take daily time for yourself to do absolutely nothing - it can be 5 MINUTES, it can be 60 minutes or 5 minutes - but make it happen and and make it daily.
2. Wanting and taking and enjoying time away from the family does not make you a "bad mother." It makes you whole and healthy.
3. (At least) daily deep breathing - to the count of 5 - can be an instant stress reducer.
4.Practice saying "no" when "no" is what is needed.
5.Limit your "yes" saying to only those things and those people to whom you can and wish to say "yes"!
6.Be as diligent in finding what is "right" with you - as you are in finding what is "wrong" - and teach this skill to others.
7.Asking for help can be good for you, for the person you ask, and is important modeling for your child.
8.Forgive yourself for not having been/being the "perfect parent" She does not exist.
9.Recognize that you and those you love are separate entities. You did/do your best with what you have.
10.If you are able to tolerate your child making a mistake, failing a test, or wear something just a little bit odd - your stress is reduced and your child learns the consequences of his/her own behavior. This is a good thing!
11.It is not fair to you or your child to live your life through your child - or to put your life completely on hold until your child _____(fill in the blanks - you know better than anyone what you are using your child to hide from in your own life).
12. If your child's room is "always a wreck" DO NOT clean it! Grit your teeth. Close the door. Teach your child to clean.
13. If being a mother is important to you - look for relationships in which that role is wanting and can REASONABLY be filled by you, remembering that the child and the adult have different "mothering" needs.
14. You do not have to be a "grown up" all day long. Really! It is good to play.
15. If you do not try to live your life through your children or define your life through your children, you both will experience less stress and more joy. Remember, it is complicated enough to live your own life. DO NOT try to live two!
16. Ask for what you want. Do not wait/expect your partner or your children to read your mind.
Practice smiling and laughing every day. Practice playing every day. Practice being silly at least once a day.
Occasional and consistent self-gifting is a good thing. You don't have to spend money. You can gift yourself with an extra 10 minutes in bed, or an unanswered phone call, or a day to yourself, or that dreadful movie you've been dying to see, or wearing a color you'd "never wear" but absolutely love - the list can be endless. Have fun!
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